PAPER DREAMS

April 6 to 10 – written as part of the National Poetry Month Challenge.

I want to be everywhere.
Like in that Michelle Yeoh film - 
everything, everywhere, 
strumming through dimensions 
vibrating like a higher being.

Maybe then 
I could have
changed outcomes,
changed the past, present, 
and what is yet to come.
Maybe.

But I am not living in a movie.
I read
that there is wisdom 
in letting things be... 
in breathing 
and flowing
So, I have to make my peace.

Accept
even the things 
that cannot be, 
should not be.
Seek my peace, 
her being 
in everything, 
everywhere.

Deprivation

There's a certain kind of deprivation
Of the spirit
tying us up in knots 
even as we stretch to soar.
A boulder squatting on our heart 
squeezing the joy out of the living.

A lifetime spent yearning 
for all that is maddeningly out of control;
a lifetime of heedless greed, judgement,
pettiness and coveting.
Even as one tries desperately 
to scour the evil of one's skin, 
to be good, 
be holy
be whole and complete 
in ourselves, free 
of any need... 
of approval.

There is all that one can be.
Yet,
here we are... lurching, 
holding that boulder.
Set it down.
There is nothing to seek, to be had, 
in order to be made complete
Set it down.
We are already it.

Reasons

Why do I wake up every morning?
Why does he head to work every day?
Why do I sit with pen and paper?
Why do we ask the dull questions over a meal?
Over and over again -
'How was your day? Did someone call?
What did you do today?' Are we the only species,
that needs to know the reason for being?
When we have bid one goodbye too many, 
when we have been stripped 
to the bare bones,
when the labels have been torn up 
and the affiliations burned, 
who are we?
Who are we when no one is watching?
What is our real reason for being?

A Funny Love Poem

I wrote a poem for you - a love song actually 
I felt inspired as I was folding the laundry.

The first four lines came fully formed 
while I was straightening the bedspread.

I thought of the second stanza 
in between preparing the meals.

The third and last stanza was the best 
combining passion, rhyme and depth.

I had all intentions to pen it, but 
alas! It has now slipped out of my mind, 
like the rest.
But it was a love poem for eternity.

What I Need

Once upon a time
I needed, absolutely needed things - 
the leather bag, the new Pashmina shawl,
the juicy red-brown lipstick, a bookstore haul
success, acclaim, the anniversary dinner, and
my loved one's hand in my hand.

Over the years the list has become smaller,
and smaller, whittled down bare, 
by choice and by force.
Now it resembles a hermit's list, 
or what I perceive hers to be.
Some peace (make that lots)
Some quiet (most of the time)
Laughter as often as is possible, 
Joy in moments quiet and clean 
A new learning hidden between 
the pages of life's daily grind, 
Love, for the human and the beast, 
the trees and the leaves 
Health, so that I can - 
continue to walk, read and play 
with words on a leaf, and 
The promise of a tomorrow 
when her hand is nestled 
in my hand again.

• Binu Sivan